When You Find Me
by easiertolie
Summary: Early season five. Only one thing could get Kate to return to the 12th. Someone's after Castle.
1. Chapter 1

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

Something didn't feel right.

Kate Beckett woke with an ominous feeling hovering a little too close. She tried to shake it off along with the heavy duvet.

Though it had been months since she resigned from the force, her instincts were still just as sharp. Cole Maddox was still out there after all. She never forgot that.

She looked down at the man next to her, his face slack, arms hugging his pillow as he slept soundly on his stomach. A smile found its way to her lips, tugging at the corners of her mouth. Bad feeling or not, this was good. So good. She pressed that smile against his shoulder blade, eliciting a incoherent grumble from Castle as he burrowed further into the bed.

Kate untangled her legs from his and the warm sheets, carefully lifting herself from the mattress. He was not a morning person. She learned that quickly. And no matter how hard he had tried over the summer to "retrain" her to sleep in with him, she still woke early. As she padded quietly to the bathroom, she snatched his discarded button-down from the floor, sliding it on.

She decided to get coffee before showering. Her toes curled against the cold floor of the kitchen, goosebumps rising across her bare legs. September was proving to be especially cool this year. The loft was draped in soft morning sun, and eerily quiet as she flipped on Castle's ridiculously expensive coffee machine.

Even after half a cup of premium caffeine Kate still couldn't shake that feeling. It was sitting heavy in her stomach. She frowned, brows furrowing, mind searching for some reason. Maybe it was the party tonight. She thought she felt fine about it, a little excited actually. Black Pawn was throwing a launch party for _Frozen Heat _tonight and she was going, _with_ Castle. As his date. Officially.

Her stomach rolled. OK. She was a little nervous. So far, their relationship had only been theirs. Aside from his mother, daughter, and her father no one knew. And she liked it that way. Just them. But, a few weeks ago, when he shyly asked her, she couldn't say no. She didn't really want to. Still, there were going to be a lot of cameras and press there. She tried to will the nerves back. It would be fine. He'd be right there next to her, like always.

Kate double checked Alexis' school schedule as she grabbed the creamer from the fridge, making sure the teen wouldn't be dropping by. Although they had slowly formed a friendship over the summer, Kate doubts Alexis would appreciate catching her wearing so little. Since Alexis was otherwise occupied for the next couple hours with a biology lab, Kate decided to make breakfast.

She gathered the fixings for pancakes, spinning around his kitchen with familiarity. Which reminded her that at some point today she needed to go back to her place. They had just got back from the Hamptons yesterday and she needed to do laundry, check to make sure nothing was growing in her fridge. Maybe she'd even go back there to get ready for tonight, make him pick her up like a proper date. He'd _love _that. She smiled, cracking an egg into the bowl.

As Kate poured batter onto the hot skillet she felt his eyes settling on her. She turned to find him leaning against the bookshelves, watching her. He smiled, making his way toward her. She brought her attention back to the pancakes, trying not to burn them. Castle didn't need anymore fuel for that fire.

"Morning," he mumbled, still groggy, voice rough.

"Hey, you're up early," she mused.

He crowded into her, boxing her in against the counter, arms snaking around her waist.

"Bed was cold," he murmured against her neck, sending a shiver down her spine and nearly buckling her knees. She brought a hand up, threading her fingers through his hair, bracing herself. He squeezed her hip and placed a smacking kiss to her cheek.

As she piled the pancakes between two plates, Castle refreshed her coffee while pouring himself a cup. They sat huddled together at the counter, bare legs intertwined. Castle had apparently only paused long enough to put on boxers, taking full advantage of both his mother and daughter being gone. She didn't mind. At all.

He glanced sideways at her, smirking, catching her checking him out. She just shrugged, kissed the corner of his mouth.

"So, what are we doing today?" Castle asked as she got up to clear their plates.

"At some point, I need to go back to my apartment. I was thinking you could just pick me up from there tonight."

"Like a date?" Castle said, giddy. She could already see him plotting. She smiled softly, nodding.

"Like a date."

He grinned, pulling her by his shirt with soapy hands. She wrapped her arms around him, hands tracing the muscles of his back, leaning into him. He sweetly kissed her. She lifted up onto her toes, meeting him and forcing his mouth open, slipping inside. He groaned, tightening grip on her.

They were interrupted by a loud knock. They both froze, turning their gazes to the front door. Kate pushed Castle off, pulling down the hem of his shirt, trying to hide the fact that she wasn't wearing any pants behind the island. She watched as Castle took a deep breath and crossed the room to see who in the hell would be here so early.

Kate busied herself, wiping down the counter, trying not to draw attention to herself.

"Ryan," Castle yelped, causing Kate to fumble the bowl she was holding. She dropped quickly to the floor, hoping, _praying_ that she wasn't seen. What in the _hell _was he doing here?

...

Castle scrambled to hide himself behind his door, wishing he had put on more clothes this morning. Damnit.

"Castle," Ryan said, eyebrows raised, a slightly amused expression on his face. "Am I interrupting something?"

_Yes. You're _always_ interrupting something._

"Nah," he drawled, "w-what are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" Ryan asked.

"Uh..." Castle turned and quickly scanned the room for Kate. She seemed to have escaped to...somewhere. "Yeah, sure. Come on in."

Castle moved aside, letting the detective in, motioning for him to sit on the couch.

"I'm just gonna, uh, yeah," he mumbled, pointing toward his bedroom. "I'll be right back."

He walked quickly through his office and into his bedroom.

"Kate," he hissed. He looked around the room and stuck his head into the bathroom finding them empty. Huh. Maybe she's in the laundry room? She wouldn't have made it up the stairs without Ryan seeing her.

He quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, stumbling back out into the living room. The amusement had been wiped from Ryan's face. Castle's stomach dropped. Something happened...

"Kevin, where's Javi?" He asked, nearly choking.

"What? Oh, he's still suspended. He'll be back next week," he explained. Castle sighed in relief, dropping into the chair that sat perpendicular to Ryan.

"What's going on then?"

"Have, have you heard from Beckett?" Ryan asked, tentatively. A sound came from the kitchen, like someone bumped into a cabinet. So, that's where she was. Ryan had better hurry up and get to the point.

"Uh, no she hasn't called me lately." It was true enough. She'd been with him, no need to call. Ryan nodded, apparently believing him. "What's going on?" Castle asked again, trying to catch the detective's eyes. Ryan was twisting his hands, face grim. "_Ryan_."

"Sorry. I don't know-we caught a case yesterday, early. A woman, young, blonde, and strangled."

Castle swallowed hard, his head spinning.

No. Not now. Not Tyson.

"Are you _sure _it's him?"

Castle turned, Kate was standing now, still only in his shirt staring intently at Ryan. Ryan coughing, turned shocked eyes to Castle and then back to Beckett. Castle dropped his head into his hands, pushing his fingers into his eyes sockets.

No.

Ryan sighed, heavily.

"Yeah, I'm sure."


	2. Chapter 2

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

...

Castle was freaking out. She could see it all over his face. And here she was, stuck behind the stupid island with no damn pants.

Ryan was trying very hard not to look directly at Beckett. It was sweet, but she needed to know what in the hell was going on. Now.

"Ryan," she prompted, maybe even pleaded. He tried to smile at her, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Castle," Ryan started, quietly.

Castle jerked his head toward the detective, looking as if he forgot the detective was even there.

"I need you to come with me, down to the twelfth."

Kate's hands gripped the edge of the counter, her knuckles burning white. Her eyes locked on Castle, waiting for any response from him.

"Why?" She asked, when it was clear Castle wasn't going to. Ryan's head swung toward her, eyes locking for a moment. She didn't like what she saw there. He turned his attention back to Castle.

"We found something at the crime scene. Tyson left something for you."

Castle's head dropped between his knees, legs bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Kate," he called. The slow slide of her name falling from his mouth squeezed at her chest. She needed to be over there.

"Ryan, go to the bathroom," she ordered. "Upstairs."

"Wha-"

"Now."

He jumped up and quickly ascended the stairs, keeping his eyes on the wall and off of Kate. Smart man. As soon as she heard the bathroom door shut, Kate rounded the island and dropped to her knees if front of Castle.

"Hey," she whispered, cradling his face in her palms. "It's going to be OK." He nodded, his forehead bumping hers. "I really need to put some pants on before Ryan gets back down here," she added, still whispering.

Castle choked on a laugh, his lips twitching. He leaned back into the chair, letting his eyes drop to her bare legs. "I think you look great." She gave him a half of a smile for his effort.

"Come on," she sighed, pulling him up with her. He followed her into his room, sitting on the edge of the bed as she dug through her suitcase. While she pulled on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, Castle leaned back on his hands, enjoying the view.

Kate bumped his knees until she was standing between his legs. He titled his head back, looking up at her, his eyes clouded with grief. Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, she pushed the hair from his forehead, kissing the skin above his eyebrow. He relaxed under her touch, a hand winding around and settling on her hip. His thumb dipped under her waistband, before making a path around to her back.

She laced their fingers, tugging him up off the bed, dragging him behind her.

They found Ryan by the front door, shifting uncomfortably. He glanced at their hands.

"You coming, Beckett?" he asked, still unable or unwilling to meet her eye.

"Of course."

...

Gates did not seem happy to see Beckett arrive with Castle.

Kate had been in her office, door shut and blinds drawn, for the past twenty minutes. He was getting antsy. And it didn't help he was sitting next to Ryan's desk and not hers. It felt wrong. All of it.

At first, when she told him she resigned, he was beyond concerned. But over the past few months she'd proved to him that she was OK with her decision. They'd had many discussions on why she felt she was done. He believed her. And here he was, dragging her back to the place she'd worked so hard to leave behind.

He still had no idea why he was here. What it was that Tyson had left for him. Ryan disappeared the second they stepped off the elevator. Kate was dragged into Gates' office seconds later. The murder board was in the conference room behind closed and as he found out, locked doors.

And we was just sitting there. Waiting. Impatiently.

He pulled his phone out, typed a quick text to Gina, letting her know he might not make it to the party tonight. She was going to kill him. Serial killer was a good excuse, right?

...

"Your suspension isn't over until next week, Detective. That being said, we really could use all hands on deck for this one."

"Suspension? Sir, I resigned," Kate said, shaking her head.

Victoria Gates simply smiled and lowered herself into her chair, motioning for Kate to do the same. Kate continued shaking her head as she paced the limited space.

"Yes, you did. But, I never said I accepted it."

"Excuse me?"

"You're a good cop, Kate. And I don't think you can really walk away. You might be content for now, but sooner or later you'll be back," Gates said softly.

"No, sir. I've thought about this, a lot," Kate stated confidently. She didn't _need _it. Sure, sometimes she missed it. And she still had no clue what came next. But she was alive and happy. And that was enough. He was enough.

"You sure about that? Because if you think you are getting anywhere near this case without a badge, think again," Gates said, voice low, but steady.

"Why would I-"

Gates cut her off, placing an evidence bag on the desk. Kate stared at her former Captain a moment before picking it up. It was a hand scrawled note, on lined paper. The handwriting was neat, blocky. Her hands shook as she read it, eyes snapping to Gates. The Captain raised her eye brows, shoving a hand out toward her. There in the middle of Gates' open palm sat her badge.

Kate chewed on her lip. It wasn't even really a choice. It was _Castle_. And she was always going to choose him.

With one last deep breath Beckett swiped the badge from Captain Gates, clipping it on her belt. She was doing this for him.

"Welcome back, Detective."


	3. Chapter 3

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

Ryan reappeared at the exact moment Beckett finally emerged from Gates' office. The first thing Castle noticed was the evidence bag clutched tightly in her right hand. The second, the badge clipped at her hip. He blinked hard hoping that maybe he was imagining it. He wasn't.

He tried to get her attention, but she was speaking quietly with Ryan. She handed him the evidence bag and turned back to Castle. He raised his eyebrows, nodding toward the badge. She sighed and dropped into Kevin's chair, rolling over until her knees bumped his.

She reached out for him, intertwining their hands. He squeezed her fingers, prompting her to explain.

"So...I-uh, I found a job," she said, trying to smile. He swallowed hard.

"I see that."

Castle wasn't mad that she went back. Far from it. He always figured she would. New York was better for it. But he hated that he was the reason.

"What's going on, Kate? What did he leave for me?"

She took a deep breath, hoping the panic wasn't all over her face. Her leg bounced nervously. Her lip was stinging from the unrelenting pressure of her teeth.

"A note."

He waited, but she didn't elaborate. His heart was slamming against his rib cage.

"Kate," he pleaded.

"Lanie found it tucked in the vic's hair when she got the body back to the morgue, that's why Ryan didn't show up-"

"What did it say," he spat at her, exasperated. He just needed to know. Because the things going through his head were not helping. Stupid imagination.

She recoiled slightly, hurt flashing across her face. He tugged her back by their joined hands.

"Sorry," he mumbled, wiping his free hand down he face.

"It's OK," she murmured. "It didn't say much, Castle. All it said was, 'This would be easier for me if her hair was blonde. But like I said, I've changed before.'

He couldn't breathe.

"Alexis," he choked, wild eyes meeting hers.

Kate was shaking her head, a hand coming up to his cheek, trying to settle him. He was searching his pockets for his phone.

"She's fine, baby. Ryan put a detail on her as soon as they got the note. She's OK."

He didn't look convinced. He looked closer to having a panic attack. She slipped her hand into his jacket, pulling out his phone.

"Call her," she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He nodded, getting up and heading for the break room.

Kate leaned back in the chair, hands interlocking and bracing her neck. She let out a slow breath, willing her racing heart to slow. It was going to be fine. Castle could send Alexis to her mom or out to the Hamptons. Or he could just lock her in the loft until they finally caught this son-of-a-bitch.

She ran a hand through her hair and decided to check on Ryan. Gates' gave her the OK to call Esposito, cut his suspension short too. They needed all the help they could get.

"He's on his way," Ryan informed her when she sidled up next to him, finally getting a look at what they had. It wasn't much.

"Did you guys kiss and make up yet?" She asked, playfully nudging his shoulder. He glared at her, but then nodded.

"Good."

"I see Castle is...back on the team," he said, staring intently ahead, lips twitching. She rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop the blush that was burning her cheeks.

"Yes, he is," she said with a nod. Ryan gave her a small smile.

"Good."

...

When Alexis picked up on the second ring, sounding unburdened and happy, he relaxed a little bit. He tried to keep the worry out of his voice. Without telling her about the threatening note he convinced her to go back to the loft. He tried to get her to take a long weekend in California, but she refused. She had her first exam next week.

Well then, the loft would have to do. He would add some extra security. Lock her in her room.

He sat down on the old couch, wincing as a lump dug into his back. Gina hadn't texted him back yet. She probably thought he was kidding. He wished this was all joke, and that he would wake up soon.

He didn't noticed her at first. She was leaning against the door frame watching him. He gave her a small curl of his lips, the best he could muster. She gave him a tender look, eyes soft.

"Lanie called. She's got something for us," she said. He pushed himself up, following her out into the bullpen.

"Did you get ahold of Lex?" she asked as the elevator doors shut.

"Yeah, she's going to the loft," he said, warily.

She slid her hand into is.

"It's going to be OK, Castle," she said, her head falling to his shoulder. It had to be.

...

"Hey, Lanie. What've you got?" Kate asked, pushing through the morgue doors.

"Wanna try that again?" the ME replied, eyes glued to her paperwork.

"Try what-"

"I haven't heard from you in months, and you just show up like you didn't resign and then disappear?"

Kate winced. She deserved this. She did. But not now. Not when Jerry Tyson was out there somewhere.

"Sorry, I was-uh, busy," she said, eyes flicking to Castle. Lanie's eyes went wide, a smile fighting it's way through.

"Really?" she said, looking between the two, finally noticing their joined hands. "Huh, well, I'm still going to kick your ass later."

Kate nodded, pulling Castle over to the vic. His eyes remained firmly on his feet. His lack of commentary unsettling.

"This is Kathleen Alexander," Lanie began. Castle tensed beside her, his eyes snapping to the victim, finally looking at victim.

"And you're _sure_ it's Tyson?" Kate asked again.

Lanie nodded, "I'm sure. I found green and white fibers in the strangulation marks on her neck. They're a match," she confirmed.

Kate's stomach rolled. Some small part of her was hoping this was all a coincidence.

"But, there _is _something different."

Both Castle and Beckett's heads snapped up. "Different how?" Beckett inquired.

"All Tyson's previous victims were blonde-"

"She's blonde," Castle blurted. Lanie narrowed her eyes at his interruption, but continued.

"Not naturally. She just had it dyed a few weeks ago. It's an expensive dye job. A good one."

"Then what's her natural hair color?" Castle asked, swallowing.

"Brunette."

Castle choked on a sob. Kate just looked relieved. She was expecting Lanie to say red. She glanced at Castle, expecting him to mirror her relief. He was anything, but. He was looking at her like...

"It's not Alexis he's after. It's you."


	4. Chapter 4

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

He was driving her crazy.

They hadn't been back from the morgue for more than an hour and he had yet to leave her side. She almost lost it when he looked like he was going to follow her into the bathroom.

"Castle!" she barked.

"What?" he asked, as he bumped into her, looking a little dazed. She watched him, waiting for him to notice that he had one foot inside the women's restroom.

"Uh-sorry," he mumbled, quickly stepping back, leaning against the wall.

"Go sit down," she demanded.

He looked like he might refuse for half a second, something stubborn flashing across his face. But instead he nodded, tried smiling and obeyed.

Castle sat quietly in his chair, trying desperately not to think about Tyson or the brunette-turned-blonde that was currently in the morgue. All because he didn't figure it out fast enough. He wasn't smart enough. And if that idea wasn't enough to torture him, Tyson had returned to punish him further. And he was going after Beckett. _Kate._

He couldn't let that happen. He wouldn't.

...

She'd missed her gun.

For the first few weeks after resigning she felt naked. She still had her own private firearm, but it wasn't the same. Now it was back where it belonged, strapped in the holster on her belt. And though she was perfectly happy not being a cop, this felt right.

Watching her at the shooting range seemed to have improved Castle's mood immensely. Even though he'd never say it, she could tell he was happy she had her badge back too. There was pride in his eyes every time he looked at her. A small smile that made her insides twist pleasantly.

He was still being clingy, which she couldn't really fault him for. She didn't want him wandering off without her either. Even though their vic had brown hair and went by Kate, doesn't mean Tyson's not ultimately after Castle. The guy was a psychopath. He was just playing with his food before he ate it.

The second they got in the elevator at the precinct he grabbed her hand, pulling her closer. She rolled her eyes but humored him. They were going to have a serious PDA at work discussion. If Gates would let him come back. Hell, if he even wanted to. Her throat went dry at the thought of being a detective without him.

He squeezed her hand when they reached homicide, letting go and stepping off the lift ahead of her. In a moment of panic, she gripped his bicep, bringing him back to her. His eyebrows rose at what had to be written all over her face.

"You OK?"

She swallowed hard, the words cutting like glass in her throat.

"You're coming back with me right? You're still my partner?"

He cocked his head, looked at her like she was crazy. She just...needed to hear him say it.

"Of course," he said, a grin cracking open his face, eyes crinkling. "Always."

She could feel the blush creeping up her neck as he walked toward the conference room. One word, one stupid little word and he turned her to mush. She shook it off, wiping it from her face before he saw it. Him and the boys. She needed to focus right now. _She had to_. Or Jerry Tyson might take it all away from her.

It had been almost two days and if Tyson was sticking to his usual timeline, they'd have two more bodies on their hands by the end of the week. And Castle was convinced one of them was supposed to be her.

...

By six o'clock they still had nothing. Tyson was a ghost. The vic's apartment had been turned over and not a single fiber or hair of his was found. They had canvassed the neighborhood, talked to everyone twice.

Kate let out a groan of frustration, chucking the dry eraser at their sorry excuse for a board.

"Shit," she hissed.

The boys didn't look any more optimistic. Castle sighed next to her, resting a hand over her knee, squeezing. She saw Ryan elbow Esposito out of the corner of her eye, nodding toward them. She rolled her eyes, but it was kind of sweet. They both were hiding small smiles, trying to maintain the serious tone hanging in the room. The air was stale. She need to get out of here.

Fatigue was pulling at her. She stopped fighting it for a moment. Laying her head on Castle's shoulder, still watching the board. They were missing something. The board, however was silent. No matter how long she stared, nothing was jumping out at her.

She closed her eyes, trying to imagine what she'd be doing if she wasn't here. Castle and her would probably be at his loft, maybe out to din-

"Castle!" she blurted, causing him to startle.

"What?" he yelped, clutching dramatically at his chest.

"Your book launch party, we're going to be late," she said, sliding from the edge of the table.

"You still want to go to that?" he asked, a little dumbfounded.

"We're not going to get anywhere tonight, I think a break would be good," she explained. Castle just shrugged. Ryan and Esposito looked on with amused expressions as he followed her out the door.

"Call us if anything comes up," Beckett threw over her shoulder.

...

Kate stuck close to Castle as he chatted with fans and signed books. Her gun was strapped to her thigh under her tight black dress. She smiled at the way Castle's eyes glassed over when she told him where it was.

She spotted their police detail on their way in. They were parked across the street from the restaurant, not exactly inconspicuous, but better than nothing. Castle had convinced Martha and Alexis to sit this one out. Alexis seemed relieved. Martha pouted until Castle filled her in about the situation. She sobered immediately, any objections to being uninvited dying on her tongue.

About an hour into the party she and Castle escaped Paula, finding a quiet corner. He grabbed two glasses of champagne along the way, handing her one. When they settled against the wall Castle raised his glass, clinking it against hers.

"To the real Nikki," he said with a wink. She might have corrected him if she hadn't just seen the dedication minutes before. It was simple, sweet. _For Kate._ And if she were being honest with herself, which lately she was. She didn't mind him calling her Nikki, she actually kind of liked it.

So, she took a sip of the bubbly liquid then brushed her mouth across his.

"I love you," she sighed.

...

Castle was actually having a pretty good time. He usually loathed these things. Typically he was forced to plaster on a fake smile and a persona he out grew years ago. But, like with everything, Kate made it better. Great even. Perfect.

He smiled against her hair, pulling her tighter against him, trying his best to keep his hands in appropriate places as they danced. She swayed with him, sighing against his neck. He saw a few flashes go off and thrilled a little bit at the idea that by tomorrow morning, everyone would know she was his. And he was hers.

No one knew. No one knew they were together...

"Kate," he gasped. She pulled away slightly, titling her head back so she could see his face. "How'd he know we were together?"

"What? Who?"

"Tyson," he replied, lowering his voice just above a whisper as he continued to spin them around the dance floor, scanning the faces in the crowd. She must have been following his train of thought, because he could tell by the sudden straightening of her spine that she was searching too.

"He's been watching us."


	5. Chapter 5

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

_He's been watching us._

_..._

Castle leaned with his back against the bar, Kate at his side.

He wanted to leave. The second he realized that Tyson had to have been watching them, he was ready to go. Kate disagreed.

So naturally, they were still there.

He ordered a scotch, gripping the tumbler tightly in his hands, eyes continuously scanning the large space. Kate was chewing on her bottom lip, eyes skipping quickly over the guests, trying to catch every face.

"He said he'd changed his face before," Castle murmured. "How are we supposed to find him if we don't know what he looks like?"

She turned to him, setting her own drink on the bar.

"Listen," she said, pulling on his sleeve. She waited until he finally met her eyes, nervously shifting from foot to foot. "We're going to work the case, like we always do. We'll figure it out. Got it?" She held his eyes, all confident and sexy. _All_ Beckett.

He nodded, the corners of his mouth lifting. With one last sip he emptied his drink, setting the glass next to Kate's on the bar. He reached out for her hand, waiting until she laced their fingers, then pulled them in the direction of the door.

It was late. He'd done his job. It was time to go home.

...

"Are you sure you're OK with it?" she whispered into the dark, tightening the arm she had draped over his waist. Their legs tangled, heart rates finally slowing.

"With what?" he mumbled, his voice gruff with sleep.

"Me. Going back."

"Are you really asking my permission?" he teased, sitting up a little bit so he could see her face.

"Well, no. I'm not. But, we didn't have a chance to discuss it," she explained.

"It's fine, Kate. I'm actually incredibly relieved, especially given the current circumstances, that you're packing heat again."

She turned her face into his chest, a failed attempt to trap the laugh that escaped. He grinned into her hair, squeezing her tighter against him.

"We should sleep," he murmured.

Kate nodded, her eye lids already slipping shut, the exhaustion from the day pulling at her.

...

The call came a little after four am.

Even though Kate was expecting it, she groaned as her phone buzzed against the wood of Castle's bedside table. Without lifting her head she reached for the offending object.

"Beckett," she mumbled, trying to sit up, forcing her eyes open. As Esposito rattled off an address and explained the situation her stomach dropped. She hung up after agreeing to be there in thirty minutes.

Kate sighed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, giving herself a moment to collect her thoughts. There was another body. _Shit._

Castle was sound asleep on his stomach, the phone call clearly not enough to rouse him. She toyed momentarily with not waking him, letting him sleep a little longer, keep him away from this nightmare. In the end she couldn't do it. He would be livid if she went anywhere without him. And she didn't feel comfortable leaving him either. If he wasn't next to her, how was she supposed to protect him?

So she begrudgingly shook his shoulder, leaning over him in the dark to press her lips to his cheek.

"Castle," she whispered across the shell of his ear. He mumbled something, pushing his face further in the pillow, trying to hide. She shoved a little harder on his shoulder until he grunted and rolled onto his back.

"Time's it?"

She took a deep breath, waiting for him to rub some of the sleep from his eyes.

"It's a little after four," she explained softly. "Espo called...th-there's another body."

Castle's hand abruptly dropped from his face. Kate could see the panic rising, the increase in the rise and fall of his shoulders, his breathing forced and too fast.

"_Kate_," he keened. She squeezed his hand, hoping to give some comfort.

She kicked off the covers, jumping up to get dressed. When she came back out of the bathroom he was still sitting on the bed, starring straight ahead. She went back into the closet, pulling pants and a shirt from the hangers and flinging them on the bed.

"Come on," she urged. "We can't do anything just sitting here."

That seemed to snap him out of his haze. He quickly pulled on the clothes and followed her out of the loft.

...

"Hey Lanie, what do we have?" Beckett asked, dropping down next to the M.E.

"Where's Castle?"

"Getting me coffee," Kate answered, rolling her eyes.

The victim was blonde and strangled, made to look like she could just be sleeping.

"Vic is Katie Barnett, 30 years old."

Kate sucked in a sharp breath.

"Shit," she hissed. The name was too close to hers. Castle was going to freak out. "What else?"

...

She was holding the victim's license when Castle arrived. He was clutching a coffee in each hand, trying to look everywhere but at the dead body on the bed.

"Hey," he murmured, closer to her than strictly necessary. She took the cup from him and smiled. "What's going on?"

She handed him the I.D. and watched as his face fell. First, at the similarity in name and secondly, at the dark hair in the women's photo. Only then did he finally glance at the vic, who's blonde hair was bright against the dark sheets she was laid on. Her dye job must have been new.

"What's our next move?" He asked, handing the license back to her.

"I have Ryan and Espo talking to the neighbors and checking the security tapes. Something will pop, he can't hide forever."

Castle swallowed hard, his cup of coffee forgotten in his hands.

"Lanie, get this body back to the morgue now. We can't afford to waste any more time," she commanded.

"Dr. Parish, not quite yet. I'd like to have a look first please."

Kate whipped around at the voice.

"Who called the feds?" Castle wondered aloud, looking as dumbstruck as she did.

"Good to see you too, Mr. Castle." Jordan Shaw smirked, before pushing past Beckett to the body. "What is it with you two and serial killers anyway?"

...

_a/n: I went back and forth 100 times trying to decide wether or not to bring Shaw back. In the end, I figured there's no way the feds wouldn't be involved in this case and I love her. _


	6. Chapter 6

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

Castle looked relieved. Kate was just annoyed.

They watched as fancy, high-tech smart boards were brought into the conference room. Castle was on his toes, almost giddy, for the first time in days. She was glad for it, but the déjà vu was giving her a headache.

She liked Jordan, she really did. But Tyson was hers. He was threatening Castle and she hated the idea of someone else being in control of the investigation.

Her arms were crossed tightly across her chest, her face carefully blank.

"Detective Beckett," Jordan said, sticking her head out the door, beckoning for Kate to follow.

Kate sighed heavily, trying her best to push her ego aside. Castle was looking at her, brows high. She shook her head, grabbing his elbow, dragging him with her.

They spent the next hour telling Shaw everything. Castle and Ryan took turns rehashing everything that happened in the hotel room nearly two years ago, explaining how Castle had finally figured it out. Jordan nodded along, looking impressed.

"Why is he after Beckett?" she asked. Kate winced. Crap. "Why not your daughter or your mother?"

Castle cut his eyes to Kate, looking uncomfortable and slightly panicked. Kate could see Shaw's lips twitching as she took in Castle's expression. His jaw hung open, but nothing was coming out. Kate rolled her eyes, turning to find Jordan's attention was now on her.

"I'm guessing it's not so complicated anymore?"

Beckett blushed, bit down hard on her lip, eyes slamming shut. _God,_ this was embarrassing. Ryan and Esposito were both trying and failing to hide their smirks. Castle was also a little red in the face, glancing around the room before landing on his feet.

"You could say that," she said through her teeth, causing Jordan's grin to spread, somehow becoming even more smug. Castle still stood silent, but she knew he was smiling, she didn't have to look.

Luckily, Agent Shaw let it go at that, directing everyone's attention back to the case.

...

They had been going over security footage for hours. Castle eyes stung from the strain, but he kept them glued to the screen. Even though he knew it pissed Kate off, he was glad for the FBI's help. They needed it.

He and Kate were crammed into a small room, sitting side by side, thighs pressed together. They both had shed their jackets, he had rolled up his sleeves. The air was stale, suffocating. He just wanted this to be over with.

"Castle!"

He jumped, startled by her voice. Neither of them had spoken in what felt like hours. She was rewinding the tape, pointing frantically at the screen.

There he was.

Even with barely any light, they could clearly see Jerry Tyson walking away from the crime scene. Just as he was about to leave the frame he turned and grinned. Directly in the camera.

Kate's hand found his, gripping it tightly.

At least he looked the same. If Tyson had really changed his face like he had threatened, they might not have ever found him.

After they had alerted Shaw to the new development, the video was slowed, enhanced, and then played on a loop until the images were burned into his brain. The smirk on Tyson's face unsettled Castle the most.

It was Ryan who caught it. They had watched the fifteen second clip at least fifty times before he noticed. As Tyson passed the dumpster he pulled something from his pocket, sticking it to the back of the bin before leaving the frame.

"Nice catch, Ryan," Castle said, clapping him on the shoulder, as he hurried out of the room after Beckett.

...

Agent Shaw drove, while Kate rode shotgun, and Castle touched everything in the backseat. Jordan glanced in her rearview mirror at a red light, shaking her head.

"I guess somethings never change," she murmured.

Kate glanced over her shoulder, her eyes rolling of their own accord, as Castle fumbled something expensive looking.

"So...how long have you two been sleeping together?" Shaw asked, glancing between Kate and Castle in the mirror.

Kate clenched her jaw, swallowing her retort.

"Four months and six days," Castle mumbled from the back. Kate whipped around, glaring at him. Jordan was biting her lip in amusement.

"Castle!"

"What?" he asked, distractedly looking up from the new gadget he was holding. Her eyes were wide, her face flushed in embarrassment. "Did I say that out loud?" he asked, sheepishly.

Kate turned around on a huff, her head falling back against the head rest. Castle was quiet the rest of the ride and Jordan wisely kept any further questions to herself.

When they reached the crime scene Kate was the first one out of the SUV, latex gloves already half way on. She ran a hand along the back of the dumpster, easily finding another note from Tyson. Her hands shook slightly as she unfolded the paper.

"What does it say?" Castle asked, shifting uncomfortably several feet away.

Kate slipped the paper into an evidence bag before handing it to him, unable or maybe just unwilling to say the words out loud.

She watched as his eyes scanned the words, his skin growing paler with each word.

_how close to death do you want to get?_

He handed the bag off to Jordan then stumbled backwards until his back the dumpster.

"There's an address here too," Jordan said, calling it in. Kate waited until Shaw was busy with the phone call and reached out for Castle. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, squeezing tight. He relaxed against her, hugging her back just as hard.

She didn't dare pull away until he did. When she turned around, Jordan was waiting with a small smile.

"Backup is meeting us there. Let's go."

Kate slipped her hand into Castle's, their fingers tangled. He crowded her side, opening the passenger door for her. She brushed her lips across his cheek, her hand settled on his waist. Before climbing into the front seat she whispered in his ear.

"It's been four months and _seven_ days."


	7. Chapter 7

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

She asked him to stay in the car.

He didn't listen. Not that she really expected him to.

The address hastily scrawled on the note, it was her building. She paced in front of the car as they waited for backup, scanning her memory for neighbors that might fit Tyson's MO.

She couldn't think of a single tenant that would meet his requirements. Then again, she hadn't spent more than a couple weeks here in the last four months. _And seven days. _

_..._

Kate reached around Castle's torso, making sure the velcro on his vest was secure, shooting a grateful glance at Espo for bringing it. Jordan took point, Ryan and Esposito following close behind. Kate paused, spinning on her heel.

"_Stay behind me,"_ she spoke, voice low but firm. He nodded quickly, pushing her along, crowding her back. She rolled her eyes, pulled the glock from her hip.

...

The vic's apartment ended up being a few doors down and across the hall from Kate's.

Once the boys cleared the place they found Cate Bradner on her bed, laid out like the others. Blonde like the others. Kate took in the woman's face. She had seen her before, but only in passing and it was weeks ago. The hair was wrong.

"She was a brunette," Kate blurted out. "The last time I saw her."

"Which was?" Jordan asked.

"It's been awhile," Kate said, wincing. "Maybe a month or two ago, we rode the elevator together?" She stopped herself from looking at Castle for clarification, because he was definitely in that elevator with them and distracting her with his hands.

"Yeah, I remember her too," Castle added anyway, glancing at Kate for permission. She nodded her head for him to continue. Everyone already knew anyway. "She had just moved in, end of May."

"You talked to her?" Kate asked a little surprised, turning to him. She noticed Ryan and Esposito looking overly interested.

"Rode up in the elevator with her after I went and got us breakfast that one time," he explained, awkwardly glancing at the boys. She nodded, remembering that morning well. "Wait, where are these women getting their hair dyed at? You cannot get that color from a box," he stated, with a little too much emphasis.

Kate raised her eyebrows in askance, shaking her head slightly at him. "So, metrosexual," she mumbled under her breath, but not so quietly that Ryan and Esposito both snickered.

"Ha. Ha. Seriously, though. Maybe that's how he found them. At hair salons."

Well, damn. That actually wasn't a bad idea. In fact, it was the first good one.

"Nice work, Mr. Castle. I'll have my guys run it," Jordan said, striding out of the room.

Castle turned his smug grin to Kate, letting it light up his entire face. She just shook her head, a smile tipping the corners of her mouth, and pushed past him. She was almost to the door when a photograph caught her eye. She picked it up with shaking hands. It was the photo she kept next to her bed. A shot of Johanna and her on that last Christmas before her death. They're both laughing, neither one looking at the camera. What the hell was it doing in here?

Castle came up behind her, laughing at something with the boys, when he noticed the look on her face.

"What is it?"

Kate shoved the frame at him before slumping against the wall, a hand coming up to push against her eyes.

_He was in her apartment._

By the time she looked up Castle had handed off the photo and was storming out the apartment. She found him at her front door, struggling to get the key she gave him last week into the slot. He was seething. She wrapped her fingers around his wrist, staying his shaking hand and gently pulled the key from his grasp. He leaned his head against the frame as she unlocked the door. His breathing was labored, mumbled expletives slipping out with every other exhale.

Kate motioned for Ryan and Espo to go first, drawing her own gun once again. As soon as she got the all clear she nudged at Castle, bringing a hand up under his jacket, settling at the small of his back, pushing him through the door.

Aside from the missing photograph nothing was out of place. Everything was exactly how she'd left it. Esposito raised an eyebrow at one of Castle's shirts hanging over the back of the living room chair. Kate ignored him, going over everything one more time just to be sure.

Tyson was just making a point. He could get to her.

"You're staying with me tonight," Castle said quietly, finding her in the bathroom. She reached around him, shutting the door. She just needed one minute with no one looking at her like she was already a victim. Leaning back against the counter she pulled Castle to her by his belt loop, pressing her nose against his neck. His arms came up around her shoulders, crushing her against his chest.

"I don't like that they have your name," he murmured.

"I know."

"I hate that he's been in here."

"I know," she sighed. "It's late." He agreed, slumping a little at the thought. "They won't be able to do anything about the salons until tomorrow. Let's go home."

...

They both headed straight for the bedroom, stripping their clothes off as they went. Kate really should have taken a shower, but couldn't seem to summon enough energy to stand any longer. Castle threw the extra pillows on the ground, pulled the comforter back. The sheets were cool and soft against her bare skin as she sagged against them.

When Castle wrapped himself around her she felt the tension of the past few days melt away. This was so much better.

"I like this," she whispered.

"Hmmm?"

"Coming home with you...during a case. Especially this one," she murmured into the darkness. He tugged on her hip until she turned in his arms.

Castle brushed his finger tips over her cheek, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. He leaned in, pressing his lips against hers.

"Me too."


	8. Chapter 8

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

"He has Ryan's badge."

"I know," Kate mumbled, turning so she was pressed against Castle's side.

It was early. Neither one of them could sleep, so they stopped trying. Castle wouldn't stop going over every little detail of case. She let him. It couldn't hurt and it might even help him. It was better than him shutting her out.

"The salon thing was a great idea. I'm sure we'll get something out of it," she said, trying to burrow further into him, seeking his warmth.

Castle pulled the comforter up over her shoulders, wrapping an arm around her waist.

...

Kate had finally managed to fall asleep for a few hours before the sound of the shower woke her. She groaned, reaching for her phone. It was just after seven. She sighed, rubbing a hand over her face.

She just wanted this be over with.

Kate pulled on her robe and padded out into the kitchen. They were going to need coffee today. Lots of it.

She stumbled to a stop, just short of the couch, when she noticed Alexis hunched at the counter.

Crap.

It was too early for this. Alexis was understandably upset that a serial killer was targeting her father. She had mostly remained in her room the past few days and Kate hadn't had a chance to talk with her.

"Morning, Alexis," she said, dragging a hand down the girl's back, aiming to comfort. Alexis startled slightly, eyes snapping to Kate's.

"Morning."

Kate pulled a mug from the cupboard, poured herself a cup of coffee, before sliding onto the stool next to Alexis.

The girl was studying, a pile of books and notes in front of her. Kate waited her out, pretty sure Alexis had something to say.

"So, you went back?" Alexis asked, nodding toward the end of the counter where Kate's badge sat.

"Yes."

Kate watched Castle's daughter, a curtain of red blocking most of her face. Though she was still staring at the book in front of her, she wasn't reading. When the girl had found them together after that first night, she had no problem voicing her opinion of the matter. And it should make Kate feel better that Alexis was at least trying to think before she spoke. It didn't.

"Why?"

"Because I had to," Kate stated bluntly, unwilling to sugar coat it for the girl. "For him, not for me."

Alexis finally looked at Kate, her face a mask, carefully neutral.

"I'm glad," she sighed. "Please don't let anything happen to him," she said quietly.

"I won't," Kate replied, her voice strong and confident. It wasn't a promise she should be making, but she couldn't stop herself. It seemed to be what Alexis needed to hear because she smiled at Kate, before turning back to her books.

...

Kate snuck up behind Castle in the bathroom, catching his eye in the mirror.

"Hey."

"Hey," she murmured, sliding a cup of coffee in front of him, pressing her mouth to his bare shoulder blade.

"You get a call?" he asked, slathering his face with shaving cream. She shook her head, watching him. His hands stopped mid motion when he met her eyes.

"I'm going to shower," she said, dropping her robe and turning toward the stall.

"Need some help?" he asked, voice a little strained as his gaze followed the long lines of her legs.

"Sure," she practically purred over her shoulder.

Kate laughed as Castle fumbled his razor and hastily wiped the shaving cream from his face, tripping over his own feet to get to her.

...

Their good moods only lasted until they stepped onto the homicide floor. As soon as they emerged from the elevator Shaw motioned for them to join her in the conference room.

Kate sighed, dropping her purse in the bottom drawer of her desk, kicking it shut before dragging Castle with her. The ducked in the back, the room crowded with agents, detectives and a few uniforms.

She bit her lip, trying to contain her pride. Pride in him.

He was beaming, looking rather pleased with himself as well, bouncing on his toes as Jordan briefed the team.

Tyson had in fact shopped for his victims at a couple high end salons. He had used Ryan's badge to coerce the names of recent brunettes-turned- blondes out of the naive receptionists.

Agent Shaw had compiled a list of all the recent clients and pulled it up on her smart board, looking for any other Kates, Katherines, or any other possible variation of the name.

There were two. A Kathy and a Katie.

Jordan already had agents checking the women's apartments and offices.

She leaned against the door frame, watching through the window of the break room as Castle made them coffee. He caught her staring, smiling at her, his eyes crinkling from the effort. She let out a long breath, relaxing for a minute, collecting herself. It had been so long since she had to transition from Kate to Detective. It wasn't as easy as it used to be. Especially when Castle looked at her like that.

And for a couple minutes, Kate felt like they were ahead of Tyson. It didn't last.

...

"Ouch!"

Castle hissed, bringing his hand up to his mouth, trying to sooth the spot on his palm that was just doused with scalding milk.

He cursed as he held his hand under cold water, letting to cool liquid sooth his branded skin. His phone dinged somewhere in his jacket. A text message. No rush.

After carefully patting dry the burned area he found his phone, sliding his finger across the screen, unlocking it.

He nearly dropped it, the image staring back at him making his stomach turn.

It was a picture. A woman gagged and tied to a chair. Her hair was blonde and falling across her face. She looked unconscious. He couldn't tell which girl it was. Shit.

His throat was dry, clogged with guilt. He opened his mouth to yell twice but no words would come. Clutching the phone, he strode quickly across the bullpen, reaching for Kate.

Castle shoved the phone at her just as another text alert chimed. He saw the color drain from her face at she looked at the photo. She spun toward the room, eyes searching for Jordan. He caught the phone as it slipped from her grasp, glancing at the new message. His stomach rolled, muscles clenching. He was going to be sick.

_One for each book._


	9. Chapter 9

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

_One for each book._

_..._

"_Each_ book?" Castle groaned, mostly to himself, as he paced tirelessly in the break room.

They were alone. For now.

"Tell me he's only talking about the Nikki Heat books and that this is the last one, Kate. 'Cause I can't..." He trailed off, unwilling to finish the thought, trying in earnest to shake it from his head. His hands pulled at his hair in frustration.

Kate tugged on his wrist, stopping him, and pulled him to her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her nose against his neck, and just breathed. She didn't know what to say, not that words would really help him. She'd only be placating him, because right now, she wasn't so sure that Tyson wouldn't just slip through their fingers again. But she _could_ do this. She could hold him. Even if it wasn't enough.

Castle sagged against her, his arms coming up around her shoulders.

"Hey. In a few minutes we'll know which woman is missing and we_ will _find her," Kate said with far more confidence than she felt, pulling back so she could see his face. He didn't look convinced, but he didn't argue.

"Jenny?"

"Ryan just called her, she's fine," Kate said softly. He'd been asking about Kevin's wife every few hours since they found out about the first body. Ryan had put her on the first flight to Florida once they confirmed it was Tyson.

Castle nodded, looking at least a little relieved.

At least it wasn't anyone he knew.

Castle's phone was currently with tech. They were attempting to enlarge the photo Tyson sent, give them any sort of clue where he might be keeping the her. The woman they had yet to identify.

...

"They're both fine."

"Wait, what?" Kate choked, turning toward Ryan.

"Kathy Bradsky and Katie Brown. They're both at work. Perfectly fine. _And_ both brunettes."

"I thought they were on the list."

"They were. They both changed their minds. Got their hair dyed back, each at a different salon."

"Then who the hell is that?" Castle yelled, pointing to the grainy cell phone photo taped to the board. He looked like he was going to be sick. She didn't feel much better.

They were back to square one. Kate just hoped that there was something in that photograph. Because if there wasn't, she didn't know how this was ever going to end. And it need to end. Now.

"Call Alexis," Kate said, not helping the look on his face. Tyson was going off his plan and she didn't like the implications. He could have anyone in that chair. All he'd need is a box of hair dye or a good wig.

"Kate..." he keened.

"Just...just call her. And your mom."

...

An hour later Castle had his phone back and they were pouring over the much improved photograph, crowded in around the computer. Kate slipped her hand into Rick's, threading their fingers. She had a bad feeling about this.

Alexis was safe. Both her and Martha were still holed up in the loft, plenty of security outside the door and in the lobby. A patrol car was still parked on the street. It wasn't either of them.

But still, something was off.

The phone that sent the photo was, of course, untraceable. A burner phone, probably already dumped.

The woman was clothed, but barely. Her legs dirty and bruised, strapped to the chair. Her arms were wound behind her, head hanging. Her hair was long and in a perfect curtain over her face, hiding any chance they had at facial recognition. The room was non-descript. Dark, dingy, and poorly lit. And the photo was tightly cropped. There were no windows, nothing to give away a location.

They had _nothing._

"Wait," Castle, said, pointing at the woman's leg. "What's that? That mark. Can you zoom in?"

Ryan maneuvered the mouse, blowing up the image until you could clearly see that there was in fact a mark on the woman's knee. A birth mark, most likely.

Castle went rigid beside her, his fingers squeezing hers. Hard.

"Castle," she prompted, tugging on his hand. His face was white, adams apple jumping, eyes wide and glued to the screen. "Castle," she said a little louder, startling him. He turned to her, blinking, his eyes swimming, wet.

"Gina. It's Gina."

...

"Gina Griffin. That's who we believe Jerry Tyson has abducted. Ms. Griffin is not picking up her phone and she's not at Black Pawn Publishing, where she works. She's also Mr. Castle's ex-wife."

Jordan Shaw briefed the team, while Kate literally held Castle upright. She could see he was trying to keep it together, but he was failing miserably. Kate was trying to pay attention to the FBI agent. They finally had a solid lead. Assuming that Tyson's original plan included either Kathy or Katie, meant he was being impulsive and was more likely to make a mistake. He might have something behind.

But, she was having trouble focusing on anything but Castle.

The room cleared as quickly as it filled, leaving Castle and Beckett alone with Shaw.

"You're sure it's her?" Shaw asked him. Again.

"Yes," he sighed, exasperated. "She was my _wife_," he glanced sideways at Kate, looking uncomfortable and apologetic. She squeezed his hand, tried a smile. "I know what she...looks like," he said through his teeth. Shaw nodded, giving him a sympathetic look before striding out into the bullpen.

"We'll find her, Castle," Kate murmured, leaning into his side.

"I just feel so..."

"I know."

...

a/n: I'm sorry for the delay in updates these past couple chapters. I'll try and be a little more consistent and quick. Thanks for sticking with it. :)


	10. Chapter 10

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

She thought about asking Castle to go home. Instead, she sent him out for dinner. If he was going to stay on this case, he needed to clear his head.

He was distraught, distracted, and while rightfully so, it wasn't helping anything.

She just...she wanted this to be over. Yesterday.

"Yo, Beckett."

Kate sighed, pushing off the counter, cradling her coffee against her chest. She lost count of how many cups she'd already had today and this wouldn't be the last.

"What's up?" she asked Esposito, eyeing the folder he was waving in her face.

"Forensics on Gina's place," he explained, handing her the file.

_Finally_.

They'd spent all afternoon combing over her apartment. There were definite signs of struggle. A lamp laid shattered on the floor, curtains ripped from the windows, and worst of all blood. Not a large amount, but enough to send Castle into the hallway, dry heaving.

"What's this dirt they found?" she asked as she skimmed the report.

"Found a couple foot prints of it, big foot prints. The lab's running it right now. With any luck, it might tell us where he has her. Or at the very least where he's been."

"Better than nothing," Kate mumbled, running a hand down her face, still frustrated.

"How's Castle doing?" Javier asked quietly, leaning against her desk.

"Not good," she replied, trying not to let the sudden lump in her throat escape. She swallowed hard, taking a deep but shaky breath.

"So you and him, huh?"

Kate choked on a laugh, throwing an elbow at his ribs.

"Seriously?"

He grinned at her, shrugging. "I'm happy for you."

...

They were still waiting on the results from the dirt sample when Castle stumbled out of the elevator. Her partner seemed to have bought enough food for the entire floor.

Kate couldn't help but smile as she watched Castle juggle a stack of pizza boxes. He caught her eye around the leaning tower of cardboard, brows high and questioning. She gave him a small shake of her head and watched his shoulders slump as he turned toward the break room.

He arranged the boxes by toppings on the table, his head down, the tension in his shoulders obvious. Kate sidled up behind him, placing a soft hand at his waist. He startled, dropping a pizza on the table.

"Hey," he stammered, straightening the boxes before shrugging her arm off, stalking out into the bullpen.

Kate dropped her head, trying not to take it personally. She grabbed a paper plate, some napkins, and a few slices.

She found him in the stairwell, slumped against the wall. Bumping the door wider with her hip, she balanced the pizza and two bottles of water.

"Castle."

He looked up, grabbing the waters from her, scooting over so she could fit next to him.

"Eat."

He shook his head as she tried shoving a piece at him.

She sighed, taking a bite herself, leaning against him.

"What about the dirt?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"Waiting on the results, should be soon."

She wanted to tell him everything was going to be all right, but didn't. He had heard enough of that today.

They sat in silence as Kate finished her slice. She set the plate on the stair behind them, taking back a bottle of water from him.

"I know that it's usually my job, but could you please say something reassuring?" he asked, hands covering his face, muffling the request but not the pain behind it.

"Any minute now, Ryan is going to walk through that door with those results and then we'll know where he is."

Castle nodded, lifting his eyes to the heavy door. They watched it for a minute. Waiting.

"Maybe if we start making out, he'll get here faster," Kate murmured, drawing a genuine laugh from Castle, a grin spreading across his face.

"I love you," he sighed. "I just...thank you."

She dropped a hand, squeezing his thigh, leaning in to press her mouth across that smile.

"That wasn't a joke," she mumbled against his lips.

Just as he was going back in for more, Ryan threw open the door.

"We got him. We know where she is...were you guys just making out?"

...


	11. Chapter 11

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

"Told you that would work," Kate said smirking, pushing past Ryan.

"What worked?" Ryan asked Castle, as they followed Kate to the conference room, where the troops were gathering. There was finally a solid lead to follow.

"You, my friend, are a cock block," he replied, clapping Kevin on the shoulder.

"What? I am not!" Ryan yelped, indignant.

"Yes. You are," Kate called over her shoulder.

Ryan looked at Castle, shocked and appalled. "Really?" he whined.

"So many moments, dude. So many," Castle crowed. "Shall I list them off?"

...

"Forensics found trace amounts of ground coffee mixed with the dirt. We've tracked it to an old warehouse near the Hudson. We believe this might be where he's keeping Ms. Griffin. Be on alert, Tyson could be close by. Let's move," Jordan barked at the mix of agents and detectives.

Castle climbed into a van after Beckett, crowding close to her side. His hands were shaking, adrenaline pulsing. He thought about grabbing her hand to help steady his, but thought better of it. Shaw, Ryan and Esposito were also crammed in the small space, directly across from them.

"You're staying in the van."

Castle's head snapped to Shaw, who was looking at her Blackberry, but definitely talking to him. She couldn't be serious.

"Tyson has some weird obsession with you, you're staying here," she said, leaving no room for argument. He looked to Kate for some help but she wouldn't meet his eye, obviously agreeing with Jordan.

Shit.

...

He watched helplessly as everyone filed out of the van one by one, hopping down to the pavement, strapping on their kevlar. Kate was last to go, hovering a moment before quickly pressing her lips to his cheek.

"I'll get her out, Castle."

She slammed the door shut behind her and he was alone, waiting.

He _really _hated waiting.

Looking around the cramped space he noticed a pair of headphones. He slipped them over his ears, relieved when he heard Shaw whispering orders on the other end. This was better than nothing. If he couldn't be with them then at least he'd know what was going on.

He listened intently, waiting, hoping that Gina was OK. She had to be OK.

There was a commotion and yelling crackling through the headphones. He sat up, straightening his spine, bracing himself for whatever they found.

_Please be OK. Please be OK. Please be-_

"Castle? You there?" It was Kate. "You there?"

He scrambled, looking for the talk button, pressing it down hard.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm here." He sucked in a breath.

"We got her. She's OK. She's OK." He exhaled loudly, relief washing over him in waves. Oh, God. He leaned forward on his knees, his elbows digging into his thighs, holding the weight of his entire upper body. _She was OK._

The back door of the van clicked open.

"Oh, thank God," he said turning, the grin falling right off his face.

"I don't know if I'd be thanking God just yet."

...

Gina was unconscious, but breathing. Kate took her pulse, pushing the blonde's hair back from her face. She wasn't too banged up, just a scratch here and there. Her shoulders where going to hurt when she woke up, arms bound tightly behind her. Kate carefully untied her.

Esposito radioed for a bus just as Castle's ex-wife came to.

"Hey, Gina. Gina, can you hear me?" Kate asked, squatting in front of her. "It's Kate...Beckett."

Gina whimpered, trying to move her arms.

"Relax. Don't try and move. An ambulance is on the way," Kate assured her.

...

As soon as she could, she made her way back to the van. Back to Castle. They hadn't found Tyson, but at least Gina was OK.

She sighed, forcing herself to feel grateful for that. They'd get Tyson. They would.

The back door of the van was wide open. She rolled her eyes. Was he really incapable of following any orders, ever?

As Kate came up on the vehicle her step faltered, something wasn't right. The van rocked on its tires, something crashed inside. She brought a shaky hand to her hip, pulling out her Glock, flicking off the safety.

"Castle!"

"Kate," Castle choked, her name barely making it out of his mouth. She swung her gun around the door, heart pounding hard against her ribs.

_Oh, God._

Castle was on the floor, legs kicking out in front of him as he struggled with the rope around his neck. The green and white rope, squeezing at his throat, the blood draining from his face.

"Tyson. _Let him go_," she seethed, trying not to let her voice waiver. The look on Tyson's face was scaring the shit out of her. He looked giddy, like a little boy who got exactly what he wished for on Christmas.

"Kate..." Castle rasped, forcing it past the nylon crushing his windpipe. "I-." She watched in horror as Tyson pulled harder on the rope, literally cutting off Castle's words.

Kate raised her weapon, hands still shaking. It had been so long since she'd held the gun and it suddenly felt heavy in her hand. But Castle's legs were slowing, the fight leaving him, Tyson and the rope stealing any chance at oxygen he had.

"Castle. I love you," she said, just in case, eyes firmly locked on his. With one last deep breath she pulled the trigger.

_..._

_a/n: I looked up Gina's last name and found it listed as Griffin some places and Cowell others. On imdb it's Griffin, so I went with that one. _


	12. Chapter 12

_**When You Find Me**_

_can't you see_

_that when I find you_

_I find me_

_..._

The shot landed where Kate intended, right between Tyson's eyes, sending him backwards with a ghost of a smirk still hanging on his lips. He took Castle with him, both falling awkwardly to the van floor with a thump.

Kate scrambled, climbing into the van to get to Castle, already soaked by the pool of Tyson's blood. She grabbed at the rope, getting it off his neck as quickly as possible, pulling him against her. He was still conscious, but barely. His head rolled from side to side, a swelling indentation from the nylon circling his neck.

"Castle," she whispered against his temple, his back heavy against her chest. "Castle," she called a little louder, wrapping her arms tight around his torso, squeezing. She lightly pressed her lips against the mark left by the rope, causing him to flinch. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"I'm good," he rasped, just barely able to get it out. The back of his head was sticky with blood. It smeared across her chest, the smell making her stomach churn. But he was OK. That was all that mattered.

Esposito popped up at the back of the van, looking winded.

"I heard a gun shot, what the hell happened?"

"I found Tyson," she said, trying for levity.

"Holy shit," Esposito breathed, eyes settling on Tyson's body, then flicking back to her and Castle. "He all right?"

Castle lifted a weak hand, thumb up, at Javier. Kate's mouth twitched, hugging him harder.

"He's going to need an ambulance, too."

Esposito nodded and disappeared again. She could hear him calling out for Ryan as he ran back toward the scene.

Kate sagged against the side of the van, pulling Castle with her. He grunted at the sudden movement, hissing in discomfort. She brushed an apology across his forehead with her lips.

Kate glanced at Tyson. It was against protocol and completely unprofessional but she reached out anyway, smudging the grin from his face.

...

While Alexis and Martha visited with Castle, Kate asked one of the nurses if she could get a scrub shirt. The older woman smiled softly at her and pointed her toward a bathroom where she could clean herself up a bit.

She stood, gripping the edges of porcelain hard, her knuckles burning white as she tried to push down the image of Castle being choked by that bastard. Her eyes were bloodshot, dark circles betrayed her exhaustion. It was over.

It was. Now she just needed to believe it.

She wiped the drying blood from her chest, folding her shirt for evidence and pulled on the green scrub shirt.

By the time she returned to the room, Martha and Alexis had left. It was late. Castle's eyes were shut, his breathing steady. They had wrapped his neck up and the doctor said his voice would be raspy for the next week or two.

He was off to one side of the small hospital bed, his head rolled to the side, mouth drooping. She took it as an invitation, slipping her shoes off and climbing into the bed with him.

They had loaded him up with pain killers. He had been loopy when Alexis and Martha were here and it would have been funny if not for the raspy quality his usually smooth voice had adopted. He also winced every time he had to swallow, pain flashing across his face.

Gates had stopped by earlier, telling her what she already knew. She'd be put on desk duty pending an investigation, the standard procedure when a cop kills a suspect. Castle looked upset by the news, his face falling, an unspoken apology pouring from his eyes. Kate just shook her head, bringing his palm to her lips.

_It was worth it._

Kate reached out, brushing his hair off his forehead, watching as his brows furrowed. Beads of sweat bubbled at his hair line, a quiet whimper escaping.

"Castle," she whispered against his cheek, wrapping an arm around his torso. She pulled back as his eyes fought against the drugs to open. His eyes were glassy, a smile appearing on his face once he focused on her, a sigh of relief relaxing his entire body.

"Kate."

"How are you feeling?"

"Floaty," he croaked.

Kate huffed on a laugh. "Yeah, I bet you do. You're on the good stuff."

He grinned at her, eyes crinkling at the corners.

"Thank you," he whispered, sobering, swallowing hard, wincing.

Kate reached up, her fingers trailing lightly over the bandage at his neck.

"Anytime," she said, trying to smile, her mouth only making it half way.

Castle's eyes drooped.

"Sleep," she murmured, kissing his eyelids. He was out less than a minute later. She stayed, laying her head on the pillow next to him.

Just as she was beginning to doze off, there was a knock at the door. Kate twisted, looking over her shoulder. Ryan and Esposito were hovering in the doorway, both looking at the floor. Kate sighed, sitting up, kissing Castle's cheek as she swung her legs off the bed.

"Hey, guys. What's up?" she asked, ushering them into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind her.

"How's he doing?" Espo asked.

"He'll be all right," she said, trying to sound reassuring. For them and herself. "How's Gina?"

"She's good, just a little bruised up, nothing broken," Ryan explained.

"Good," Kate said while nodding, running a tired hand through her hair. "You guys need a statement from him?"

"Nah, it can wait," Esposito shrugged. "You should get some rest, Beckett."

"Yeah."

They both gave her quick, tight hugs, asking her to pass on their 'get wells' onto Castle.

"Oh and Beckett?" Ryan called, pausing at the elevator bank down the hall. "Nice shot."

"Are you sure you're OK?"

"_Yes,_" Castle said, emphatically. It had been two weeks since the Tyson incident and he was fine. His throat had healed, his voice was back to its usual velvety cadence. Kate playing nurse was nice, but he was ready to get back to the precinct.

The boys had come over to take his statement the day after he was released from the hospital. He explained what had happened. How the already insane Tyson seemed to have snapped, become completely unhinged. The serial killer hadn't said much, mostly babbled on and on about how Castle had ruined his plans. Again. Castle hadn't helped when he told Jerry it all seemed rather anti-climatic. That's when Tyson lunged at the writer, wrapping the rope around Castle's neck.

As soon as they stepped off the elevator and onto the homicide floor Gates called both of them into her office. Castle felt like he was being sent to the principal's office. There wasn't much hope that the change in their relationship went unnoticed by the captain. If there was any possibility it slipped by her, it was immediately crushed by the look on her face.

"Sit."

Castle obeyed, tripping over his own feet trying to get to the chair as fast as possible. Kate didn't take the offer, pacing behind him. He tried pleading with his eyes, begging her to just listen for once, but to no avail. She had that stubborn look of hers on.

Shit.

"It's my understanding you two have entered into a romantic relationship. Is that correct?" she asked, her eyes glued to Castle's. He swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry, willing himself to maintain eye contact. _Don't back down._

"Yes, sir," Kate responded, her voice firm, unwavering.

"As much as I'd love to kick him out," she told Kate, "there's no rule against a detective and civilian consultant having a relationship. And believe me, I looked. Twice."

Castle was sweating, beads of it dripping down the back of his neck. She was saying he could stay, right?

"I will say this. Keep it out of my precinct. I see it interfering with cases, I _will _kick him out. Got it?"

They both nodded, along with a duet of "Yes, sirs," as they all but ran for the door.

"She's scary," Castle said, following Kate to her desk. The detective just rolled her eyes, but he could tell she was just as relieved as he was. And just as happy he could stay.

He plopped down in his chair, smiling at the image of her back in hers. She turned on her computer, then sat back crossing her arms, eyebrows raised.

"What?"

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

He looked around at her desk, then down at his empty hands. Ah, yes.

"Coffee. Right. Be right back."

...

_a/n: well, that's it! thank you so much for all the reviews and follows. i appreciate each and everyone of them! And thank you to Christina for looking it over for me!_


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